Only God Can Understand by Jaye Lewis

Only God can understand
The loneliness I feel,
When friendship turns to ashes
And nothing else seems real.

Only God can understand
Every yearning in my soul.
Only God can understand
How to make my spirit whole.

When I cry myself to sleep
Only He can see my tears.
Then I reach out with my heart,
And he banishes my fears.

Only He knows who I am;
Only He knows where I’ve been.
When I stand outside the gate
Then His love invites me in.

Only God can understand
Just how much I long to be
Strong and worthy in His eyes
In a way that I can see.

I cannot see myself
Through another person’s eyes;
For I am neither weak,
Nor am I strong and wise.

Neither view is truly me,
As I face my darkest day,
Begging God to make me well,
And take my pain away.

Only God can understand
The times I’ve given up.
Angry tears came bursting forth,
As I drank each bitter cup.

Only God can see beyond
My rebellious, childish ways.
Only He can take my nights
And turn them into days.

Only God can understand
My desperate whispered prayer.
Only He can touch my heart,
Telling me He’s truly there.

Do I run or do I stay?
That’s the paradox I face,
As I tremble on my knees,
When I now accept His grace.

Only God is with me still
Deep within my healing heart;
May I abide within His Love;
May I nevermore depart.

© Jaye Lewis, February 9, 2010

Celebrate Life by Jaye Lewis

We’ve lived in our Virginia home for twelve years. It was our dream home when we retired from the Navy, and it still is. It’s cool in summer, and it’s warm in winter. From my deck I can see the mountains all around me. And the sunsets are a glorious celebration of what this world can be. In hushed wonder, I watch the sky turn from rose, to gold, and red. One evening I even caught the images of the heavens on fire. Even the birds were quiet, as though they too were moved by God’s gift to each of us.

Every morning of my life is another celebration of movement and color, as birds from all around flock to my deck for safety, water, and food. Each creature, from the most drab to the most colorful, fills my day with such joy. Even the starlings, who gobble up the suet with glutinous glee, have a place in my heart. In mid-winter, they move themselves in, along with all their relatives, and hog the feeders until the following spring. As soon as the earth begins to warm, they poke their beaks greedily into the earth to eradicate every grub they can find. Because of their ingenuity, army worms no longer march, and web worms build their webs, and suddenly spin no more. This gardener is grateful for the assistance of these unlovely birds.

While most birds shed their colorful feathers, and put on a dull winter coat, so that they are less noticeable against the snow, the cardinal stands out in a brilliant Christmas red. No wonder they are celebrated on clothing, artwork, and greeting cards all season long. After twelve years of certainty that the restaurant is always open at our house, we’ve seen descendants of every bird species gather on our deck. We’ve cared for early and late nestlings, providing every kind of food they need. Even the hummingbirds come here to drink their fill at our nectar rich feeders, all summer long. Birders who study these things tell us that hummingbirds return year after year to the same garden, and often to the same branch of the tree on which they were hatched.

Each spring, my garden reflects the beauty of the sky and birds. Each flower arrays itself in brilliant color. I’m amazed that anyone can see such magnificence and believe that all these gifts are merely an accident. No God, they say, could provide such beauty, nor would He. And I say, they are liars, because the person who beholds such heart and soul, without feeling, must have no soul at all. And it is then that I think, perhaps their ancestors did, after all, climb out of a primordial goop. But mine were created and placed in a garden, where the Creator of the Universe breathed within them, the breath of life.

So, I will celebrate my life, in shades of red, and green, and blue, and gold. I will be thankful for each feather and flower and sunset – a cacophony of sight and sound, sent by God, so that I may fill my life with pure joy.

With love,
Jaye Lewis
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